1. The So-Called “Syndrome”.

You may have heard the term Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome circulating online, often attached to self-help programs, coaching sessions, or quick-fix solutions. The truth is, this is not a recognized diagnosis in psychology. That doesn’t mean the pain of being in a relationship with a narcissist isn’t real—it absolutely is. But labeling it as a “syndrome” suggests a specific, medical-like condition, when in reality, the effects of emotional abuse are complex and deeply personal.

We live in a time where new syndromes seem to appear constantly, many of them designed more for marketing than true understanding. Giving something a name can help people feel seen, but it can also oversimplify a painful experience, making it sound like a fixed condition rather than something that can be healed. Be cautious of trends that turn human suffering into products to be sold.

2. However… Narcissists Do Exist, and the Pain is Real!

While the syndrome may be questionable, the existence of narcissistic individuals is not. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) affects a small percentage of people, more commonly men, though women can also exhibit these traits. These individuals often present themselves as charming, confident, and even magnetic at first. But beneath that facade, they struggle with a deep need for control, admiration, and power over others.

They can be emotionally unavailable, manipulative, and quick to make others feel small. In relationships, they may shower their partner with love at first, only to later criticize, devalue, and emotionally withdraw. They might gaslight—making you question your own perception of reality—or suddenly switch from warm to cold, leaving you confused and desperate to “win them back.”

3. The Impact on You

If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissistic person, you may find yourself doubting your own judgment. In my view, this is specific to manipulative relationships, so start paying attention to yourself. As Ramani Durvasula explains in her book “It’s Not You”, “As a consequence, you’ll begin to doubt yourself, feel insecure, and think, ‘I’m the problem. If only I could talk to him differently… Maybe if I…’” This is something I’ve also observed in my practice. When your relationship with yourself begins to falter, many things start to unravel. Be aware and don’t let that happen!

You might feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells, afraid of setting them off. Over time, your self-esteem erodes, and you begin to question whether you are the problem. The cycle of affection and rejection can become addictive, making it incredibly hard to leave—even when you know the relationship is harmful.

Many people in these situations feel emotionally drained and disconnected from themselves. They try to be “good enough” to regain the love that was once given so freely, not realizing that the rules of the game keep changing. The narcissist’s approval becomes the thing they chase, even though it never truly satisfies.

4. Why Does This Happen?

It’s not just bad luck that you find yourself in this kind of relationship. Narcissists are charming and skilled at winning people over with their charisma, confidence, and intelligence. They are shape-shifters who get close and then behave badly.

Narcissism exists on a continuum—from superficial social media narcissists to more severe forms marked by cruelty and manipulation. The most common form people encounter is moderate narcissism, offering enough good days to keep you hooked and enough bad ones to confuse and hurt you.

What I’ve noticed is that those who stay longer in these relationships often carry unresolved childhood trauma, such as abandonment or narcissistic parents, which makes it harder to leave.

Many people who are drawn to narcissistic partners grew up in environments where love felt conditional—where a parent’s affection was inconsistent, or where they had to work hard to be noticed or accepted. If you were raised to believe that love has to be earned, a narcissist’s behavior can feel strangely familiar, even if it’s painful.

You might find yourself thinking, If I can just be better, they will love me again. But the truth is, the problem is not you. Healing means recognizing these old patterns, understanding that love should not feel like a test, and reclaiming your sense of worth—not from them, but from within yourself.

5. So, What Is the Solution?

The first step is recognizing the pattern—understanding that you cannot change a narcissist, no matter how much you try.

Next, set firm boundaries. This may mean going no contact or keeping interactions minimal and emotionally detached. Boundaries protect you from further harm.

Most importantly, heal the wounds that made you stay. Often, unresolved childhood experiences make us seek familiar but unhealthy love. Therapy and self-reflection can help break this cycle.

Rebuild your sense of self. Narcissistic relationships erode confidence—surround yourself with supportive people and learn to trust your instincts again. Real love should feel safe, not like a constant test.

Consider therapy! Therapy helps you break free from the cycle of confusion and self-doubt. It offers a safe space to heal from childhood wounds and trauma that keep you stuck in unhealthy patterns. Through therapy, you’ll rebuild your sense of self, regain confidence, and learn to set healthy boundaries. It’s not about changing the narcissist—it’s about changing your relationship with yourself and learning how to protect your emotional well-being