When I was in my 20s, anytime one of our friends went through a breakup, his mother would call us: “Come get him out of the house. He’s crying, he won’t talk to anyone. Please, come and take him for a walk, talk to him.”

Those mothers were often better psychologists than many of us are today .

Now I hear things like: “Let him stay with his pain, he needs to process it.” or “I don’t want to interfere in any way.”

But why? Where does this come from?

Balance is everything. Yes, we need space to feel our pain — but healing isn’t about boiling in it. It’s not about staying there endlessly, waiting to emerge transformed.

Real healing means moving in and out. Sitting with the pain, yes — but also coming up for air. Reconnecting with life. Going back to what you love . Being with people who make you feel alive .

That’s not avoidance — that’s resourcing. And it’s essential.

Grief, heartbreak, trauma — they change us. But we don’t heal by staying in the dark. We heal by letting light in while we face the dark. We swing between both. That’s how our nervous system learns safety again.

So take care . Find your good places. Don’t get stuck in the myth of endless processing. Healing is movement. And friends are often one of the most powerful ways we remember who we are .

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