Today, I’ll continue talking about relationships with individuals who exhibit narcissistic traits, from moderate to extreme. This is because I’ve recently received a lot of questions and had clients in my private practice who are dealing with this very issue.

So, I thought: this is a real need!

In relationships with narcissists, people often find themselves caught in a paradoxical and emotionally intense dynamic. Narcissists can be incredibly charismatic, attentive, and protective, especially in the early stages or during cyclical phases of the relationship. At first glance, they might seem like the ideal partner. However, over time, certain harmful behaviors begin to emerge—behaviors that can be emotionally draining and destructive.

For many individuals, the hope lingers that the narcissist will return to their “better version.” They feel guilty, as the narcissist often makes them responsible for any conflict or misunderstanding. I believe that most people enter and stay in relationships with narcissists because of their own emotional wounds—such as growing up in environments with unstable love or emotionally unavailable parents.

A narcissist alternates between affection and rejection, leading to emotional dependence. This creates a bond that is incredibly hard to break. The relationship also often involves practical factors—financial stability, children, and a deep fear of loneliness—which can make leaving feel even more complicated.

So, WHO ends up in relationships with narcissists? It’s not about healthy compatibility, but rather unhealthy dynamics that seem to align. Let’s explore a bit more:

Well, almost anyone… Why? Narcissists can be incredibly charming, generous, and charismatic. At first, it’s easy to understand why someone might be drawn to them. They know how to make others feel special, and their attention can be intoxicating. It feels exciting and flattering to be their focus, and many people find themselves thinking, “Why not like them?”

However, over time, their behavior can shift. Harmful patterns begin to emerge—manipulation, emotional withdrawal, and a lack of genuine empathy. While those with a secure attachment style tend to notice these red flags and may walk away, others—due to past emotional wounds or fears—get more entangled in these patterns. So why don’t they leave? Why do they stay despite the emotional toll?

Let’s dive into the psychological reasons behind this:

The Need to Be “Good Enough” to Be Loved Many individuals in these relationships grew up with emotionally distant or critical parents, leading them to believe that love must be earned. These individuals are often empathetic, perfectionistic, and feel like they have to prove their worth. They see the narcissist’s attention as a reward for their efforts—”If they love me, then I must be worth something.” This hope keeps them attached, believing that if they just try hard enough, the narcissist will return to a better version of themselves.

The Caretaker Who Prioritizes Others Over Themselves Some individuals enter relationships with narcissists because they’ve been conditioned to put others’ needs before their own. Perhaps they grew up in a household where they had to care for an emotionally distant or overwhelmed parent. As caretakers, they feel compelled to help and “save” the narcissist—even at the cost of their own well-being. The narcissist’s emotional demands fit perfectly into this dynamic, reinforcing the caretaker’s sense of purpose.

The Fear of Abandonment Over the Fear of Disrespect Individuals who fear being alone more than being disrespected often stay in toxic relationships. They may endure humiliation and manipulation because the thought of abandonment is even more painful. Narcissists are adept at sensing this fear and use it to maintain control, making it even harder to break free from the relationship.

If this resonates with you, remember—you are not “weak” or “naive”! You are caring, sensitive, and deeply invested in the relationship. You are simply dealing with emotional wounds that align with the narcissistic dynamic.

Breaking free from this pattern doesn’t mean losing your ability to love or your worth. You deserve healthy relationships that nurture and respect who you are.